Two Lives // For Delia

Jack Weallans, 2022 - Experimental Compositions & Interviews

Two Lives // For Delia is a project that seeks to sonically explore the experience of the addict both before and after the process of recovery. This is delivered as a collection of media that includes interviews with recovering addicts alongside musique concrète compositions formed from broken and/or obsolete objects that attempt to convey the emotional, metaphorical and auditory experiences of addiction. 

The experience of addiction that is referenced throughout is one that is both intimate and also universal, drawing on the composer’s first hand understanding of addiction and recovery, as well as on the wider experience of twelve-step recovery fellowships.  

Addiction and Recovery - An interpretation

In order to contextualise the intention of the project it is necessary to provide an interpretation of the addict’s experience which will be drawn from personal experience, as well as from recorded interviews conducted with recovering addicts in twelve step recovery. Wider data was also interpreted from conversations and talks from and with recovering addicts that took place within twelve step meetings. Due to the nature of anonymity within these meetings, the data was not formally recorded, but is instead a collation of trends,key thoughts and emotional experiences informed by the composer’s long-term addiction and long-term recovery. However, authorised speaker tapes from twelve-step meetings and conferences that contain similar experiences are readily available for further context (Recovery Audio, n.d.).

Where some of this can be considered assumptive, the recovery experience is one based on identification through shared emotional experience, with a commonality found both in an exploration of the collective and individual pasts of the addict, and within the fellowship that is utilised in the nurture and continuation of personal recovery through a group approach. 

As a further point of reference a glossary of addiction experience (Fig. 1) containing emotions, keywords and ideas has been created relating to the before (active) and after (recovery) of addiction, with some of these being relevant to both. These are used as thematic reference points throughout the creation of the project. 

Fig. 1 - Glossary of Addiction Experience

The definition and exploration of specific human experience is always an arduous task, particularly within the confines of a relatively small piece of work. The move from addictive addiction to recovery is a transformative experience, one defined very directly by a before and after; but not as simple as bad and good. Addictive addiction can be framed as monotonous, horrific and confusing. However, this can be equally true of recovered life. Recovered life can also be beautiful and hopeful. This project attempts to shed light on these similarities and differences, making observations but not directly offering defining realisations. 

Context 

In his essay Glitch, the post-digital aesthetic of failure and 21st-century media, Jakko Kemper draws on the work of Hughes (2014), Kelly et al. (2021), and Saito (2017) to draw upon what has been coined ‘the imperfect turn’, which he describes as a rising propensity towards the imperfect, broken, or subject to degradation. Using this as a reference point, this project draws a parallel between this obsession and rising fondness of broken objects, and contrasts it against the experiences of addicts, whose brokenness is often misunderstood by society. Through the creation of compositions from explicitly foregrounded defective and obsolete materials and pairing these with recordings of recovering addicts this project seeks to create a metatextual connection between the two.

What does addiction sound like? This is a core question that runs throughout this project, and one that leads on to the question of how can this be portrayed? Sonification was considered as an option, but it is a process that requires a more measurable data source, something which is objective rather experiential. Although data on addiction does exist, this was not the primary purpose of this project where the primary purpose was to convey something experiential rather than scientific. As it is a certain feeling or emotional ‘place’, a decision was made to utilise field recording and deep listening principles, but to face these inwards (both inside people to picture an emotional place, and inside machines and objects through music concrète techniques). 

In relation to these decisions, Andrea Polli's Sonic Antarctica (2009) was used as a major reference point. The sonification and field recording techniques used throughout, paired with the interviews of people, provide a contract of beauty, disorientation, and provoke thought. Where Polli used this to highlight environmental issues, this project wishes to use similar techniques to identify and inspire reflection on an internal and metaphorical place. 

Another relevant contextual reference is Victoria Klarsson, whose current practice-based research is concerned with mapping inner sounds, probing into how we can communicate and discuss sounds that we hear in our own minds (Klarsson, 2018). This shares similarities with this project’s goal of conveying the emotional and sonic experience of addiction. 

Finally, by utilising the techniques of the Radiophonic Workshop through the manipulation of my materials, I hope to pay homage to one of its lauded practitioners, Delia Derbyshire. Derbyshire’s techniques are used throughout this project giving compositional relevance, but an additional contextual link is also provided through its subject matter, as the end of her life saw her sadly being consumed by alcoholism. This project is dedicated to her memory, as well as to all other people who haven’t yet found a way out of their addiction.

Process and Practice  

As a start point, several of the references from Fig. 1 were paired with audio techniques and ideas that would be used in the process of composition to lend additional metatextual and contextual elements to the pieces (Fig. 2).  While these techniques add context and subtext to the processes involved in the compositions, the tonality and mood of the pieces also attempts to directly convey the experience of addiction.  

Fig. 2 - Addiction through Audio 

For the interview section of the project (intimacy, connection, fellowship, identification), there was a desire to capture the honesty and intimacy that is often present within twelve step meetings. However, once a recording device is introduced this often adds pressure to the environment and can negatively impact the outcome by adding additional pressure or making the situation feel forced. Though this was an accepted aspect of the project, a variety of recording methods were experimented with throughout to attempt to find the optimal result. These included long-form in-person conversations with mics set up to record everything, recorded phone calls, voice note conversations via Facebook Messenger and Whatsapp, walkie-talkie conversations from 500m+ distances (recorded via portable microphones) and recordings taken in private by the speaker (via DAW). 

Beyond the technical intricacies of how to capture these interviews, the other main consideration was who to capture, which raised issues of ethics and consent. Is the active addict capable of consent? If so, are there issues in the way they are portrayed? For the current iteration of this project it was opted to not interview those not currently sober and in recovery. A broad spectrum of addiction and recovery was needed, but instead conversations were had with those in recovery that covered the before of addiction and the after of recovery to  avoid any issues of ethics.

Another question/dichotomy that was involved in the process was the real versus the artificial. The interviews were not guided and aimed to invoke a natural response in order to create an honest depiction of that person's experience. This same intention was used in the composition of the sound pieces and their pairing with the interview recordings. This was not intended to be a narrative experience, or one where the ‘soundtrack’ attempted to draw out specific emotions. The experience was one intended to be non-linear, murkier and disorientating.

The compositions’ technical process involved setting up signal chains involving the archaic or broken objects/technology (in this instance multiple tape machines, walkmans, VCR, mixer and various microphones), and then borrowing from field recording principles and processes to try and get a sense of the real from within them. This involved recording the output for hours at a time to allow their inherent nature to come forward (Lane & Chattopadhyay, 2014), and using minimal editing to allow the piece to exist as much as it was when it was captured (Lane & Lockwood, 2014). The latter was chosen as the project aimed to allow the pieces to bring a second life to the broken that showed beauty and purpose, and to artificially achieve this would be disingenuous. 

With the above in mind, the following list breaks down the general setup and processes for each of the seven tracks that are included within this iteration of the project (the project also exists outside of this module framework in a much broader and ongoing version).

1.Tape Itself 

Composition using no input mixing techniques, two tape machines recorded their own output creating feedback loops, which were then disorientated further by using the varispeed of the machines and feeding the signals into each other. 

Main themes: Isolation, Disorientation, Disconnection, Transformation, Loss of control

2. Jack W / Broken Tape Loops

Interview recording of Jack W, a snippet taken from a long recorded conversation that took place in person (Weallans, 2022h). The composition was made from a piezo mic recording of a broken walkman where the mechanism was catching. This was recorded onto two tape loops and played off two working walkmans at slightly different speeds, utilising the ‘phasing’ technique of Steve Reich to create a gradual disorientation that unfolds out of the repetition.  

Main themes: Perpetuity/Repetition, Horror, Intimacy

3. Rusty Door 

A rusty door hinge was recorded and looped by tape, this was then fed into a concurrently running tape machine and back into itself to create echo and feedback, in an attempt to transform itself from its source. 

Main themes: Disorientation, Transformation, Isolation, Loss of Control, Death of Self, Birth of New Self

4. Roxy R / Feedback and Tape 

Interview recording of Roxy R (Rafter, 2022), where the speaker was allowed as much time as needed on their own to record their experiences privately. The composition was created from no input mixing, tape loops, and piezo mic recordings of the tape machines as they played.

Main themes: Horror, Ending, Acceptance, Intimacy, Identification, Transformation

5. Sea of Noise 

Heavily amplified recording of the noise floor of a VCR player. This was recorded onto multiple different length tape loops and played in unison from multiple cassette players to create a shifting cacophony of noise.

Main themes: Beauty, Acceptance, Perpetuity, Horror, The body as other

6. Jamie L / Morbid connection

Interview recording of Jamie L (Lidell, 2022), taken from a back and forth conversation held through audio clips on a digital messaging service. Composition made from no input mixing, feedback tape loops, and amplified noise floor.

Main themes: Intimacy, Connection/Disconnection, Identification, Disorientation

7. The Noise Won’t Stop/The Noise Shouldn’t Stop 

The first part of this composition is created from a piezo microphone being placed inside the mechanism of a broken walkman. This was then duplicated onto several tape loops that were played in unison. The second part consists of the amplified noise floor of a tape machine with a loud electrical hum. This was sped up and duplicated, and then placed on several loops playing back at different speeds and pitches. This created a droning chord that stutters in and out of itself.

Main themes: Disorientation, Perpetuity, Disconnection, Isolation, Ending, Beauty, Acceptance, Connection, Transformation

Evaluation

Representing and recreating personal experience will always be a difficult task both in the practical sense, and in the evaluative stage. How do we gauge the success of intention versus interpretation when our own perception is different from that of the audience? This will be attempted by an assessment of the individual elements, in the hope that this can be collated into a wider evaluation .

One of the main outcomes of the interview process was that staging intimacy and honesty is difficult, with the introduction of a recording instrument changing the dynamic. These sections give context to the intention of the project, but they do not offer the true experience of honesty and identification that can be found through the personal and anonymous nature of the rooms. However, by the nature of their content it can be argued that they offer something close enough to this experience. The most natural recording came from 2. (Weallans, 2022h), where the long-stage conversation felt less forced, and this method should be considered as the most desired and appropriate for any continued expansion of the project.

The content of the interviews themselves were limited due to time constraints of this iteration of the project. There was a desire for instrumental periods between the interviews (a La Polli’s Sonic Antarctica (2009), meaning only three recordings were used throughout. The desire to not force a narrative but still portray some varied accounts was considered throughout. As the scope of the project exists outside of the constraints of this iteration, there is room to explore the themes in more micro and macro detail within the interview content. 

The compositions work on their own as a recontextualization of parts that are considered broken or ugly, and transforming them into new pieces that can be beautiful, horrifying and hard to define. However, the interviews and pieces of music are possibly two disparate things, a link which perhaps doesn’t quite work. In the hope of creating something original and personal, the concept and context do not quite line up, which may be down to the unconventional frames of reference. The project aimed to draw on intimate personal experience, but could more overtly contextualise this, though it is possibly still conveyed sonically. There are likely more appropriate ways to approach this subject matter through sound, with lessons taken from this. 

Throughout the project the aim was to represent something to an audience that perhaps hasn’t experienced/understood it before, and in doing so it became about the audience. However, it is arguable that the process was more involving and cathartic for the participants of the interview and the composer. Though this is a positive outcome of the process, there are two questions that need to be raised: how can this process best be conveyed to the audience? And, what is the best way to grow this project outside of this early iteration? With consideration to the above, the main delivery of the concept can be built upon. A multi-channel installation would enable true disorientation of the audience, and an interactive element could add further engagement and understanding of the core concept which may otherwise be lost in the interpretation.

Bibliography

Hughes, F. (2014). The architecture of error : matter, measure, and the misadventures of precision. The Mit Press.

Ingram, D. (2006). A balance that you can hear: deep ecology, serious listening and the soundscape recordings of David Dunn. European Journal of American Culture, 25(2), 123–138.

Karlsson, V. (2020, April 21). Inner sounds | PhD research project | Victoria Karlsson | Sound Artist | UK. https://www.victoriakarlsson.co.uk/research.html

Kelly, C., Kemper, J., & Rutten, E. (Eds.). (2021). Imperfections : studies in mistakes, flaws, and failures. Bloomsbury Academic.

Kemper, J. (2022). Glitch, the post-digital aesthetic of failure and 21st-century media. European Journal of Cultural Studies, 136754942110605. https://doi.org/10.1177/13675494211060537

Lane, C., & Chattopadhyay, B. (2014). Budhaditya Chattopadhyay. In In the Field: The Art of Field Recording. Uniformbooks.

Lane, C., & Lockwood, A. (2014). Annea Lockwood. In In the Field: The Art of Field Recording. Uniformbooks.

Liddell, J. (2022). Jamie L recorded interview (J. Weallans, Interviewer) [Personal communication].

Polli, A. (2009). Sonic Antarctica [Album], Gruenrekorder

Rafter, R. (2022). Roxy R recorded interview (J. Weallans, Interviewer) [Personal communication].

Recovery Audio. (n.d.). Www.recoveryaudio.org. Retrieved May 29, 2022, from https://www.recoveryaudio.org/

Saito, Y. (2017). The role of imperfection in everyday aesthetics. Contempory Aesthetics, 15. https://digitalcommons.risd.edu/liberalarts_contempaesthetics/vol15/iss1/15/

Weallans, J. (2022h). Jack W recorded interview (J. Lidell, Interviewer) [Personal communication].